Losing her

March 18, 2010

Writing an entry about losing your mom might not be the best idea to do during the eve of your birthday. But that’s exactly what I am going to do.

Yes. Just two months ago, we lost our mom. And tomorrow will be the first time I’m going to celebrate my birthday being orphaned by my mother.

To describe how events unfolded, it’s just simply the greatest unexpected thing that ever happened to my life. We were able to overcome everything – her confinement in October 2009 then another confinement the following month (but unfortunately, not this one).

We just had the BEST new year celebration ever. We took a lot of photos of us fooling around. Eating. Opening our gifts. Just having genuine fun with the fam. Little did we know that the group photos we took would be the last ones where we were captured as one big and complete family.

A week before what happened to my mom, it was my grandma (yes, my mom’s mom) who passed away.

So just imagine how shocking and painful the experience was. We didn’t see it coming. Nobody saw it coming.

It was THE worst sight ever… of seeing your mom in serious pain.. and eventually passing away. And yet you can’t do anything with it. It happened. And you just found yourself in one corner, dumbfounded with the swift turn of events.

I won’t go into details. I can’t. I’m afraid. Remembering what transpired during that night breaks – no, best term would be “crushes” – my heart and all the more my belief that every thing’s okay already.

I just feel so down every time I remember a particular scene of that night. I feel so disturbed that I’m not sure if I’m just plain sad or if I still haven’t moved on and that I still can’t accept the truth that my mom is up there already.

I’m not dumb. I know, by hook or by crook, I HAVE to accept it. Close friends and relatives told me that everything’s according to God’s plan. We might not realize the purpose of this but someday, we will. Eventually. What consoles us is the thought that my mom is already happy with the Lord right now. There were actually signs to prove it.

We lost our mom. But it’s comforting to know that we lost her to our Creator. And someday, after our turn to be buried six feet underground, we will see her again and be with her up there…

forever.

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