Happy in the present; extremely scared for the future.

Is it still wise to stick it out a bit longer?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Hunger Games

April 2, 2012

 

Tonight marks the first time that I paid twice just to see the same movie again after watching it the day before.

The Hunger Games.

Bow.

Santa came early this year

December 18, 2011

Fresh from the oven:

Bought some stuff over at Amazon during the Black Friday sale where I got pretty good deals. Some of the items I bought were: Sansa Clip Zip, two Timex watches, vitamins, and gift items. Could have been more kung may budget pa ko!

Anyway, it was my first time to shop at Amazon and this won’t definitely be the last. They deliver top-notch customer service!

I had the items shipped here in the Philippines via Johnny Air Cargo. Paid 2.6k for shipping. Seems expensive but considering the money I saved from buying at Amazon rather than getting the items here, pwede na din.

Someone’s a happy camper right now!

I miss you dearly

November 1, 2011

I think of you everyday.  And everyday I wish you were still here with us.

I miss you. I miss  you very much. Always have.

I recently bought a mat and two dumbbells (weighing 4 lbs. each) in preparation for my quest to becoming a big “loser” via Jillian Michaels’s 30 Day Shred Challenge. As of this writing, I weigh 63 kilos — my heaviest thus far, I think — and I’m decided to lose the unnecessary fats.

This workout takes around 20 minutes each day and I know I can do it.

Let’s see how everything pans out in four weeks.

December 2011 update:

I did well in the first two weeks. The first few days into the workout was crazy — there were times I felt as if I was going to die. Hehe. After religiously waking up early in the wee hours of the morning for this exercise for the first 14 days, I noticed improvement in my stamina and I really felt good about myself. For the first time in years, I felt I was healthy.

However– and here’s the sad part — I did not get to finish the workout. On my second week, it became a habit of mine to step on the weighing scale everyday to check on my progress. I was discouraged to see very, very minimal improvements and at some point, there were no change in numbers at all! It was disheartening to say the least, considering all the amount of work I put into (exercise + diet). And so, I stopped doing the workout.

And here’s the funny part.

A couple of days after I stopped, I found out that the weighing scale in the office I was using was faulty and inaccurate. I tried checking my weight using a scale at the office clinic, and I was elated to see that I reached 59 kilos. I could have reached 57 kilos at some point had I not stopped the workout and started eating unhealthy food again.

So next year, after the man vs food war holiday version is over, it’s back to square one again. This time I’m planning to combine it with Beachbody’s Turbo Fire.

And again, let”s see how everything pans out. *crosses fingers*

Thank you, UP PEP Squad, not only for making the crown stay where it rightfully belongs, but also for once again making the whole UP community proud!

I heart you, UP PEP! 🙂

QLC, anyone?

September 4, 2011

Quarter-life crisis or (a premature) Saturn Return – whatever you call it – I have been experiencing this since I was 21. As I get into my mid 20’s, it’s becoming more difficult to handle.

And this song pretty much sums up everything I’m going through right now:

Twenty-five years I’m alive here still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means

And so I cry sometimes
When I’m lying in bed Just to get it all out
What’s in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar.

And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What’s going on?

Right after college, I immediately looked for a nice paying job. I was thrilled at the thought of being able to pay for and buy anything I want. The first company to tender a job offer was Convergys. The pay was okay, and my mom told me not to reject the first company that said yes to me. So I accepted the offer. I worked as a billing agent for Yahoo!

I was 21 then and was too idealistic.  Aside from not agreeing with some policies which I thought rip off customers, I just did not like working there at all. Everyday was hell. After six months, I left.

Before resigning from Convergys, a senior operations manager tried to convince me to stick it out for at least a year and see what happens. After all, it was just my first job.  She said if I would leave already, then resigning becomes a habit.

She was right. It did.

I worked in a number of companies/organizations after that. After working in the private sector, I joined a media NGO. After six months, I left. Became a bum for two months before transferring to a government agency. On Christmas eve, I was notified that my contract won’t be renewed for the next year because of some bullshit politics in the office. Became a bum again. After more than a month, I got accepted for a post in a separate government agency. I stayed for like a week before, once again, calling it quits. And so I became a bum again for a couple of months before landing a job in the government agency I first worked in, but this time, in a different division. After almost two years of stay – yes, my longest stay so far – I joined the private sector once again. I’m now currently working as a project staff in a telecom.

Hanep no? Private – NGO – Government – Private. I also had freelance gigs while having a day job or being a bum. Grabe, ano pa bang type ng work ang pwede? Baka di ko pa nasusubukan lol. Eh halos lahat naikutan ko na eh.

Kidding aside, all those shifting, transferring, and being a bum took away all the confidence left in my tank. What was happening to me? I was once this kid who thought she’ll do great out there but I became a journeyman, like a Willie Miller who already played in more than five teams in his career. Like PNoy’s lovelife, my self-esteem just went coke zero.

Being at the bottom seemed to be alien to me when I was still studying. Sure I flunk some exams along the way and I didn’t even graduate with honors. But I was always an achiever.  I was the perfectionist who always managed to produce great results. I got used to getting praises from my friends – that I’m smart and skilled.

But now? I easily get discouraged. Konting mistake lang, dinadamdam ko na. Well, I was always like that to begin with but it didn’t disappoint me that much before unlike right now. I really don’t know what happened. I’m not as sharp as before and there are times when I think that I lost it.

Many people will be envious with what I do now. I get to travel to a lot of places, meet many people, etc. I am thankful for it, really. But I can’t help not to feel insecure – regarding my present accomplishments and long-term plans. About the near future. Because at 25, I’m still a contractual staff with no benefits and someone who’s frustrated with relationships – or the lack of it. And all those insecurities reach even greater heights when I visit the Facebook profiles of my friends and old classmates, who at a young age, have already accomplished something great. And may lovelife sila. Punyeta.

I want to be my old self again – the achiever who is excellent in the things she does, and the carefree child who knows how to be happy.  Yun nga lang, it’s hard. It’s a daily struggle. It’s hard to move forward when you are at your worst.

But as they say, this too shall pass. I guess I just have to comfort with that saying and try to hang on.